| "> | | | | children or parents. |
| Most people find it easy to identify the sources of | | | | 5) Retirement or children leaving home. You may be |
| stress in their lives. Ask Maggie M. about the stress in | | | | thinking: "Ah, now I have time for myself." No more |
| her life and she says, "I run a full time business and | | | | fussing and feuding about the job, the boss, the child's |
| have an active toddler. My husband's job keeps him | | | | fluctuating grades or more dubious friends. But these |
| working 10 hours days, so I do most of the errands. I | | | | milestones also involve a redefining of the self: who |
| know exactly where stress comes from!" But many | | | | am I now that I'm not "a carpenter," "a manager," or |
| people find that even in times of great happiness, they | | | | "Dad"? |
| find themselves feeling anxious, depressed or flat-out | | | | What's The Common Factor |
| stressed. One possible cause of these feelings is | | | | The first key to finding hidden stressors is to look for |
| invisible stressors, for example: | | | | changes. Any big change, even a positive one, is a |
| 1) Marriage: Being a newlywed is supposed to the | | | | change, and change - in our evolutionary pasts - were |
| culmination of a dream. Women, especially, are often | | | | equated with danger. Our bodies go through a series |
| raised to think that marriage is the fulfillment of | | | | of hormonal and neuronal changes to deal with |
| womanhood. But it's a huge change for men and | | | | potential danger, and we feel stressed until we've |
| women alike. Even if you shared living quarters before | | | | learned to accommodate a new situation. |
| marriage, the event can give rise to new expectations | | | | The second key to finding hidden stressors is to look |
| and pressures from family, friends and work. | | | | for situations where one's expectations don't match |
| 2) Travel. Many people schedule travel vacations as a | | | | reality. This is the situation when vacations don't go as |
| reward for hard work. Beautiful beaches, a week | | | | planned or we discover that our new spouse, |
| away from the in-box, the out-box, and the phone, | | | | wonderful though he is, owns three versions of a video |
| endless entertainments for kids. Unfortunately, even | | | | golf game. |
| the best laid vacation plans can go awry: delayed | | | | How To Manage Hidden Stress |
| flights, flat tires, or a sick child can snag even the most | | | | So, how can we mitigate some of these stresses? |
| seamless vacation plans. And travel advertisement | | | | First, understand that they are stresses. Give yourself |
| may not be realistic: the beach may be crowded, the | | | | the mental space to accommodate these changes; |
| best restaurant closed for repairs, the slopes | | | | understand that it will take some time to adapt to |
| snow-free. Maybe a hidden hope of romance didn't | | | | these changes. Second, recognize what your |
| come true, or the antiques shopping turned out to be | | | | expectations are about a big change - what are your |
| more expensive or less interesting than you expected. | | | | hopes for your retirement? your pregnancy? Then |
| 3) Holidays. While the movie "Home for the holidays" | | | | garner information: talk with friends who've been to |
| plays on the humor of holiday stress, in real-life the | | | | your chosen vacation spot, meet with other expectant |
| stress takes place real-time. You may be meeting | | | | fathers, talk with your favorite siblings about what |
| new people or parents who still treat you as if you're a | | | | worked about the last family holidays and didn't. |
| teenager. We may expect gifts, family behavior, or | | | | Plan for the problems that may arrive, but also make |
| meals that don't meet those expectations. And for | | | | sure your plan has space and time in it for the |
| many people, holidays bring up painful memories of | | | | problems you couldn't predict: don't plan the first event |
| people now gone, happier times gone by, or past | | | | for an hour after you arrive in Orlando, schedule an |
| dashed hopes. | | | | activity for your weekend guests that will leave you an |
| 4) Promotions. We often view promotion as a reward | | | | hour and an empty house to relax in. Make sure |
| for hard labor or special ability, with a more prestigious | | | | there's some dreamtime scheduled into your first few |
| title or increased paycheck. But promotions can shake | | | | weeks of retirement and some time for spontaneous |
| up your self-image; you may ask if you're really up to | | | | changes that can be the best part of any new event. |
| the new tasks, deserving of the raise, or capable of | | | | While you can't plan for every event, you can give |
| handling the new people you'll be working with. Even | | | | yourself the space to accommodate the unplannable |
| the increased paycheck can bring up questions at | | | | and enjoy the new part of your life. |
| home about how the extra money should be spent (or | | | | McConnell EA, "Myths & facts ... about stress." |
| not spent) and how it will impact the lives of your | | | | Nursing, Volume 30, issue 8, p. |